Musing By the Fire

I am sitting here staring at my fire.IMG_3124I

My head is full of swirling thoughts.  That is pretty typical of my head.    I once told a friend that I do not have a one track mind.  I have nearly a dozen tracks, most of them occupied with a train of thought.  My mind jumps from one track to another while the trains are barreling along full steam ahead.

There are so many things that want to rush out of my fingers, to be formed into words and committed to this post.

I am also listening to my children breathe.  They are both just congested enough that their noses are loud as they sleep.  Onen is breathing just slightly faster so that every 5th breath or so is in time with Tia’s.

You may wonder how I can watch the fire and listen to sleeping persons while sitting at the dining room table.  If you have ever seen my house you wouldn’t wonder.  It is 24X28 and has 4 tiny rooms.

IMG_2829

This is a picture of our living room.  It is only half dry-walled.  Onen sleeps in the crib behind the couch.  The door leads into the bedroom where Tia is.  I am siting at the table and the fire is just out of view on the left.  Tiny.  Unfinished.  But I got it at an auction for next to nothing and it has kept me warm and dry for nearly 7 years now.

Sometimes I struggle finding a balance between wanting something bigger,  with nicely painted walls and a shower and being okay with where I am in life.  Contentment and apathy can be pretty similar in me.  Perhaps I should be more ambitious.  Perhaps ambition requires more focus than I care to maintain.

*sigh*

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Musing By the Fire”

  1. I have so much more than I need and when I see my children struggling, the guilt overwhelms me. One is happy in their circumstance and another will never be…

  2. I struggle with my negative daily thoughts, with our house. As I trip over legos, of toys overflowing in the livingroom( that should be in Jareds room if he had one), Jared sleeps in our bed, I see the same 4 rooms every day. I know its a roof over our heads, and it keeps us safe from the world, but I can’t help but think of how I really want 2 more children, and will we all fit in this house? What about when they are older and want some privacy? I barely get time to myself now, with just one kid.
    Wally has put his hard earned money into buying this house, and it is paid off. He is very proud of this. and I am too. I am proud of him for finally having a place of his own. and this too is the first time I’ve had a place of my own in years. He has all these plans for the house, which is great, there is a lot of potential, especially when you have a huge yard, which I love. But to achieve plans this requires time, and help. Will we ever have the money to complete these plans? Will we ever make the time? Will we ever receive and have the money to pay for the help? it seems like too much of a project for me, for it to be how I want. Which isn’t asking much, at least 3 bedrooms, and one more bathroom. BUT wouldn’t it be easier to find another house, that already has everything I want? and would take few repairs.
    again this requires time, to look, and money.

    *sighs* sometimes its just easier to be happy with what we have.

    1. Amanda, I have felt this way myself so many times. Wally has done an amazing job providing. Be sure to let him know. It is hard when you look around and it seems like everyone else has more. I sometimes feel that I must have done something wrong. It seems like life would be so much better if I only had…. But that thinking needs to be balanced by the knowledge that this time is special. It won’t always be like this. And our little ones are only little once. I try to not wish away the time, to joyously accept the inconveniences with the blessings.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s